I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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