My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
