I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
