Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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