I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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