Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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