I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
