Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
