Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
