i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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