At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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