Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize