You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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