real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
