yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
