whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
