Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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