Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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