i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize