and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
