I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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