apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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