All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dear god my vagina.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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