Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
