Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize