here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
