its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
