Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
soo... how was my night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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