Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
