I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
