what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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