maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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