Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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