i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize