"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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