Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
