Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
