I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
