my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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