There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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