thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
