wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
