Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
