I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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