First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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