Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
