i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
