is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
