My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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