Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
