They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your cock deserves a montage
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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