he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
