The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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