your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
