so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
