I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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