I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
