i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
