Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
