i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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