dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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