Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
