Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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