Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
only if we run a train.
done.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
