Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
