There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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