I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am one with the molecules
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need to align my fucking chakras
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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