The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
