my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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