So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
