i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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