Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
a search helicopter?!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will pee on everything he values.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
