I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
