never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
