On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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