At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
