problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
