I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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