Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
