I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
