I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
