Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
