cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize