Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
