what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
