I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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