I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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