We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
