I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
