Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
