I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
