Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
