I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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