mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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